As long as I have retained a memory, my room has always been a complete mess. Though I have a clean room more frequently than I used to growing up (twice a year on major holidays, and even then most of my stuff was just shoved in a teetering pile in the closet of in the cupboards under my bed), it still finds itself back resembling an abandoned unit on Storage Wars as soon as the next day.

In case you’ve never met me or have assumed since I’m such a control freak sometimes that I have an organized room, I present to you a diagram of my room in its current state.

A. When I moved in to my apartment, there was a big white case over this air conditioner, so I had no idea that what was under it resembled a radio from 1934. I glare at this atrocity every morning when I get up. My roommate insists it’s “cute” and “vintage,” but that’s easy for her to say, because she’s got a brand new one on her wall and she most likely doesn’t stare at hers expecting it to blare out a fireside chat from FDR.

B. This is a drying rack for when I do laundry and actually remember to take the things out that will be ruined in the dryer. It doesn’t get used very often.

C. I spent weeks working up the courage to drop 100 bucks on this office chair so I would have “a more comfortable place to sit and write for hours on end.” HA! It’s just a glorified clothes hamper now.

D. I tend to forget that when I get home from work it’s dark out and everybody can clearly see everything I’m doing through the window. You’re welcome for the entertainment, neighbors across the courtyard.

E. My degree on display, as proof that I did something productive once.

F. My copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. I’m making my boyfriend read the series so I don’t have to resent him anymore or get blank looks whenever I make ten HP references a day.

G. I was obsessed with the thought of owning a garden stool for the longest time (I think decorating blogs put me up to it) and since they’re normally priced over $100, when I saw this one for $40 at HomeGoods, I pounced. My boyfriend did not understand my excitement. To be honest, I don’t understand either.

H. The basket where I keep my letter writing supplies and my collection of squirrel cards. Because for some reason, I am a chronic buyer and hoarder of squirrel cards. Which is really stupid, because the joke in all of them is the same.

I. I, like many people before me, have an unreasonable obsession with throw pillows. I may own more pillows than books. And that’s saying something.

J. My boyfriend forgot his clothes in the car and didn’t have anything to change into, so he decided to wear a bright orange pair of my running shorts and one of my dad’s old t-shirts from high school. When I woke up and saw him I thought I’d been transported to a basketball game in 1973. Not pretty.

K. This file holder is where I keep all of my essays, poetry, journals, and writing notes that I convince myself I’m going to finish or edit or make something out of one day. It’s a very dusty file folder.

L. I had just helped my bf move out of his college house and since most of the stuff in his room was actually mine (my interior decorating has a tendency to seep into other people’s spaces), most of it ended up in piles on my floor.

M. My bf’s tennis bag, because he tried to make me exercise that morning at the apartment workroom. I said, “Why not just finally teach me how to play tennis like you wanted.” That way I got to stand around in the sunshine while he worked up a sweat and got  frustrated over my lack of skill or effort.

N. I think this is the clean laundry pile. Because the dirty pile is usually on the floor.

O. I have a decanter on my bed filled with water in case I get thirsty at night and don’t want to make the painful five yard journey to the kitchen. I guess I also thought it would make me feel fancier.

P. My box of kleenex for when I decide to binge watch old Harry Potter behind the scene videos and such. Sadly, it gets a lot of use.

Q. My contact solution and such because I’m too lazy at night to go all the way to the bathroom to take them out.

R. A rising pile of empty cardboard boxes because my online shopping knows no bounds and the recycling dumpster is all the way in the parking garage. I almost have enough built up to make a box fort in the living room, so that’s exciting. Except I’m going to start building it and then lose interest halfway in and be too lazy to clean up the mess, to the annoyance of my roommate. Oh well.

S. These are really corny canvasses I convinced myself I needed when I was at Kirklands once that say things like “Believe you can and you will” and “Spread your wings and fly!” I think I’m going to paint over them because even my horrendous art skills will be an improvement over that cheesy nonsense.

T. A sign I made with a John Denver quote because some cheesy nonsense I’m okay with. Especially when it comes from this guy: