You spent your childhood hiding behind hay bales while a search and rescue dog followed your scent on toilet paper and tried to find you. Except he took so long you ate the dog treat that was supposed to be his reward. It didn’t taste nearly as good as it smelled.
You like to kill time by walking around the parking lot and seeing if people have expired tabs.
Your parent busted every party, TP-athon, or fun event ever thrown in high school. Needless to say, you were never invited to these events.
A background check has been done on anyone you ever considered dating. Until you stopped considering dating altogether.
Whenever you pass a cop anywhere you give them the nod like they’re automatically supposed to know who you are and exempt you from going 43 in a 30.
Your parent’s work stories at the dinner table were actually interesting and usually involved an axe-wielding madman or a woman giving birth in a gas station bathroom.
You were an avid wearer of D.A.R.E. memorabilia. And not ironically.
You know where all the meth houses are.
You’ve rode in a squad car more times then you can count, but none of those times were for actual arrests.
Babbling Brooks 
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